Eye Contact

I am often asked by parents, teachers and nursery practitioners about children who have poor eye contact, so here are a few thoughts  about why they don't make eye contact and how to help.

Why doesn't my child always look me?

Some children seem to avoid looking at you directly.  This may be in particular situations or with less familiar people. It may be when they are focused on a task, listening or trying to talk. There is so much information from a face with eye contact, movement of the head and facial expression and it can be hard for some children to process this information at the same time as to listen, or to formulate their own words. This can be sensory overload for children who need to process one thing/ sense at a time.

Making the right amount of eye contact is a subtle skill which most children absorb from their interactions with those around them. However, some children struggle to  develop the right balance of eye contact for communication. They may not realise that they can communicate with you by looking at you or that there are things to learn by looking at your face.

How can I help?

• Eye contact should not be taught, but can be encouraged. The main thing is not to force it or ask for it. Children, who are constantly told “Look at me” may end up staring at you excessively because they don't understand the unwritten social "rules" of eye contact! 
• Allow eye contact to happen naturally. Position yourself in front of your child in the line of vision.
• Sit opposite your child to share a book, play a game or do a puzzle. Make sure your eyes are at a similar level which may mean sitting on the floor.
• An important factor for encouraging natural eye contact  is for the child to be motivated and engaged with you and enjoying the activity.
• Choose an activity that  your child is interested in, such as blowing bubbles, or balloons or turning a spinning top. Wait for the child to glance up from the toy to look at you.
•  If your child does not look at you, lift the toy or object in front of your face momentarily to get “near eye contact”
• Try tickling games, bouncing on the bed, peekaboo, chasing, or hide and seek, which are often great ways to gain your child’s natural eye contact. Pause at the end of the game to see if your child will look at you again.
• Singing is usually very motivating for children and they often make their best eye contact with you when you sing action songs together. 
• Don’t be too concerned if eye contact comes and goes. The aim is for your child’s verbal and non-verbal communication to work together as a whole and eye contact is just one small part of communication. 
• Be aware of forward facing buggies, travelling in the car and using mobile phones, which will inhibit your eye contact with your child.